After a year

I hate growing up but I got to. Still remember how anxious I felt the day before I start my work a year ago and I wrote this post on my blog. Time flies, right? It's been a year plus. Since then everything has changed. I still remember when was the last time I sat here in the same place writing a blog post. Here today, sitting at the same place with a different person (roti sitting opposite me doing work) , knowing that it won't be the same anymore. How I wish I would know that will be our last time sitting together. Anyway, 

Lets think about it as another new beginning. 

Since I can't change what happened, so I guess the focus needs to go towards healing and comes back stronger than before. Meantime, I will do what I can with what I have, and to where God wants me to be. I just gotta change and renew myself, start with a fresh page, perhaps. 

I thank God for giving me this opportunity to work with this firm. Yes the firm is small and is not a reputable firm like those big firms outside you have heard of. However, I appreciate every opportunity given to me. There can be no denying these experiences would not have been the same if I were to undertake my pupillage at another firm. 

My master: No doubt, he is a workaholic. He reach office as early as 630am and goes back as late as 10pm. He is damn hardworking! So I kinda feel guilty because I am not like him. I have heard a lot of sad stories outside so I am thankful to have him as my master.  He is super patient, he guides me, corrects me and lecture me when it is necessary. He can be very long winded but I know it's all for my own good. I am blessed.  I do not have a big bunch of friends like how big firms works, I had my lunch alone everyday but I kinda enjoy my alone time during work. I guess I've get use to eating lunch alone? Sometimes with senior ever since Lee H has moved here! :) 

On top of that, my legal aid days are one of those days I look forward to. I miss them so much. That was the only chance I get to know more friends and yes, they are one of the true bunch! 

Although I did not enjoy what I did (sometimes), I guess this is not the time to keep complaining. I should suck it up and deal it like a grown up. This is life. Life is tough, no? I kept remind myself to count my blessing instead. 

Remember the almost 6 months nerve wrecking interviews you have been through? It was a nightmare. Appreciate this opportunity because no firms outside willing to take you in, shuling. 

You should remember those truly memorable and unforgettable experience with your master. Remember he gives you a call just to let you know he won the case because you have contributed it? 

Remember the day he brought you out for chocolate desserts on your birthday? 

Remember the last day he treated you before you had your 2 weeks break?

Remember how he apologised because he made you stay to do work?

Remember he told you don't look backward and forget all the nasty interviewers you encountered?
Remember how he acknowledged your handwork and appreciate the effort you put into a piece of work so you feel accomplished? 

Remember he stayed till your mover finishes your speech only he rushed over to his conference? 

You should remember those truly memorable and unforgettable experience with your legal aid mate, with people that you count on during difficult times at work.

Seniors who made calls to you, colleagues who helped and friends outside who understands your busy schedule but still made effort to come over to your place to catch up with you. All these count. You couldn't have done it without any one of them. Remember. 

You should remember how much freedom Daddy and Mummy gave to you 

Look at how much freedom they gave to you. I know. They trusted me so they don't ask who I hang out with. No curfew. Pretty sure they knew about this incident , know what's going on and know him yet they doesn't question much. Yes my pillars of strength from the very beginning. the love, support and belief they have instilled in me are just unconditional. I hope I made them proud! 

CF; 

You definitely played a big part of this. Many might says, oh it doesn't matter anymore but no, in fact, everything matters and relates. You're with me throughout this journey. You and I know. Not anymore I know but yes, you deserve the credit too. Every week I look forward to weekend with you and so I work hard during weekdays. We reward ourselves during weekend. Often Our pictures, Facebook notifications and messages often hit me hard on my face and pierce into my heart but I will be alright.  I am thankful to have you with me throughout this journey. I am sad we had to end up like that because I hope you can still walk with me and we can still stay very close but too bad, even your position has changed. Well, I no longer had the urge to text you anymore and I couldn't be bothered how you are doing. Obviously you are doing well. I secretly wishing that you will ask how am I doing lately but nah. (Forget about it) 

I still dream and miss you every single day that got me messed up a little but I am okay because I know I can't do anything about it. 

I wish you all the best. Thank you for everything fatty. Our memories will always stay. Always. 

Now ShuLing, 

Train your mind to only focus on work while at work. The mask you need to put on, convince yourself to switch on work mode. Emotions and work have to be separated. Nothing can influence your working mode, okay?

Thanks for reading this long and lame post lol. 

Wish me good luck! I sincerely hope I could survive my first year, enjoy the challenges and keep going. Finger crossed! 

Till then, I will try to update my upcoming life! Hopefully more happy post coming up!