Second letter

Dear self,

I hope you are doing good. 

I knew past week wasn't good. Nightmare after nightmare, all you can do is to stay tough. Accept, acknowledged, move on. 

You're one of a lucky girl, you know who to count on and who loves you, care for you and be there for you. Don't you want to disappoint them? No right?

As the previous letter, keep reminding yourself that there is not much you can do. Suck it up caz you're a grown up. Remind yourself 2 sentences that you read that day, because that is the conclusion after all.  I know you kept thinking about the fact that he has got another girl to look for, you feel sad. You are in pain. Perhaps it's not this girl, there would surely be another girl. The problem isn't with the girl or any girl, it's just not you. 

You can keep sulking but again, give yourself a timeline to sulk. You can't be forever sulking, right? Just a matter of time, I know this is the only space where you can spill out your feeling. Do it, no one gonna read. Only you. or maybe on or two close friends. Reflect on what you wrote. You will be there, not today but eventually. 

Lets see things this way. Consider it as blessing in disguise. The sooner it happens the sooner you gotta end things. The longer it'll be harder. Good start, take it slowly. Baby steps. This is a closure. 

The past week was bad, but it will get better...

 I knew you had a scary dream last week. Violent af.  I know you dream bout him many days in a week. I knew the dream scare the hell out of you. Everything you see in your dream represent different emotions. and stages you are going through. You read the dream interpretation next day and I know you were shocked with the passage. It is not even a general interpretation. But it was so accurate! 

I knew you were having a hard time last week because you had your pe** a week earlier. You were surprise because you were always late for that. Well better than never. Sometimes it's the hormones in our body playing games.

I knew you wanted to go for a jog but you just didn't. Stay healthy for yourself. Try to jog on your own, not so soon but try to pick up jogging again. Try? 

I knew you were counting your days because it feels like forever. 

Made it for 4 days, 5 days, a week and a month. Lets keep the days counting shall we? As the days go by, you are further away from the sorrow. 

Nobody can actually 'help' a person with their inner feelings other than themselves. Thank your toughened up self at the end of the day, because you are the one who is going through all this after all. 

We may have different experience, but different gain different insights. It all depends on how you look at things. Its nothing wrong to be in touch with your true feelings. 

I knew your bioclock is haywired. It will take sometime to back to normal. I knew you woke up at 4am on a weekday and 7am on a weekend feeling sad. Don't worry, it will get better. 

I knew you couldn't focus on work. You deliver shit work and you were asked to redo. You were warned not to repeat the mistakes. You were rushing stuff but you were blur on what you were doing. It's normal. But shuling, not worth it. This is your future. I knew it's hard, but again, try? 

Try to stay calm and work through your things at work. Gotta separate work and emotional setback clearly. Baby steps, learn how to cope.

What does move on means to you? I knew you ask yourself this question everyday, every second and you ask every people that close to your heart. You answer it.
Moving on doesn't mean you will forget the person or the feelings you had. Its a dreadful process, not gonna lie. I guess moving on just simply means that those sad/hurtful pasts will not be affecting your mood and your life. Well, it will definitely affect your decisions, as you know you won't want the characteristics in the new person cause you already know how it will end. You will need to learn to appreciate yourself more and find your truffle in the process. We gotta embrace it, accept the cold hard truth rather than drowning in our own sadness, which is definitely stupid, we have so much more to see and learn from.

Yes, they are your past, but they are whats becoming of you right now, a part of you that can't be removed.
You just gotta hang in there. Though you will find yourself not healing completely, instead you will not feel the need to feel pain in the heart whenever you talk or think about it. Thats the level of moving on, and you need to achieve that.

I knew you try very hard sometimes. A bit too hard. No, don't do that. Now, don't force or expect yourself to heal by when and when. Your mind, your heart and soul will do the job on their own, don't rush. If you feel sad, you feel sad. Don't try to fight it.
You can go through this shu ling, you will just have to stick through it. The feeling will be less intense as the day goes by. Trust yourself.

I knew you always blame yourself. You are not tough, you are fragile. No, you are not fragile. You are strong to admit your feelings. Everyone gone through or will vulnerable in some days, thats what us human. Get in touch with our feelings, and grow from there. I guess this is what growing up is all about. Stick through shits and come out from that pile of shits stronger than ever. 

"Do you sleep well yesterday?Babe, how are you today? I hope you are asleep now. Sleep tight and rest well. Listening to your troubles is really the least I can do. This is what are friends for. "
You knew you have friend like that. What did you do to deserve to people who actually be there for you? Count your blessing, Shuling. You don't need a gang or a bunch of friend, now you know. 1 is enough.
Because you were you, thats why we are here. No bullshits, only true feelings. This is a real friend, right there. You know how blessed to have them?

ShuLing,

You will get through this. You will.
And from today, I will open my heart, and wish him the best.
Because I know, he is relief, now.

From
Tough cookie in you.