A special friend

It's been quite sometime since I updated the last post. I was quite sad to read through the last few post. I don't regret what I've been through, I would't say " I wish this didn't happen".
I guess it's part of me and I believe it happens for a reason.
In the midst of recovering, I believe there are my things that I should feel thankful and grateful.

THAT TWO DAYS ; THE STARTING POINT

I met new friends, new trainers etc. Little did I know one of my group mate became the special friend, a friend that I now sit here and write a post to.
Thank you for teaching me how to let go of someone who wasn't right for me. Though I know the times are short, but thanks for being there with me when I needed, for just being with me.
I told you, I am just as clueless. I wasn't sure if you are the replacement, distraction or just someone I will want to turn to so that I could forget him faster. I feel loved to have been love this way, thank you. I remind myself many times that I wouldn't want to hurt you because I know how it feels, and I don't ever want you to feel that pain. However, I still can't avoid but to hurt you.

I was surprise of what you wrote to me the other day. I was touched by the word. Thank you for this wonderful gift. Thanks for believing in me when I don't even believe in myself. Thanks for being there when I thought I was all alone. Sometimes it's the boost, the few words that matters, really. Especially when I've a rough day at work, when I am stressed and when I am so upset about myself.
The day when you have a long walk with me in the park, the other night was at pavilion, the talk in the cafe that day. I know you treated me genuinely and faithfully, I know and I feel it.
Words are not enough to do the justice but thank you is all I can say.

The reason I doesn't want to go further after a long reply is that I do not know how and what is the best way to. I guess I just felt sorry for not being able to give and provide you what you want, and I do not want to hurt you further, seeing that I always did it unintentionally but I still did. I say something I don't even realised it's hurtful, it's wrong, things I should't even mentioned. And then, I rather skipped and pretend there's nothing happen. You might think it's weird or strange but because I do not know how, I rather treat it as, its okay, its fine, we are okay.

Till today, I still couldn't understand what has made you feel that way about me. Like what I say, you barely know me. It's too short. Well, I guess I shouldn't questioned this again. I still believe, we can be close friends and be happy. I believe you are a friend that I can count on and give my trust to and I believe you will never break it.

Not like I am not giving myself opportunity nor holding on to some rules and principle. Notwithstanding the official relationship, I guess the sparks and love were not there. I feel your love, I enjoyed time spent with you but I don't think it's love.
It's unfair for you when you spread your love to me but I can't do the same to you. You might disagree by saying it's fine for you to do the one side effort thingy, its your call and all, but wouldn't you expect something back from me?
Not the official thing, but you'll expect me to give you credits, opportunity to love you back and all, right?
I don't know, I am not sure. I guess we are happier we shared about our past, our stories, our respective aim, the lame joke and life.

I am thankful to have you in my life, to gives me so much motivation and confidence. I appreciate that. I am sorry to have caused you so much trouble. I hope you've had some peaceful time and mind without me these days. I am sure it's better. Not so much of thinking, trouble and doubt.

Thank you again for being you, and accepting me in all ways.
:)