Tired & Exhausted.

These two weeks have been a long and tiring weeks. Too many things happened in once that I just couldn't breath.
Literally, I'm gasping for air.
I need everything to stop at the moment caz I know that it will just get worse if this continues.
I'm exhausted in and out, physically and mentally. First time ever I feel I'm mentally tired for such a long time. Indescribable. Is not like you've been working for 24 hrs non stop. Not that feeling. I guess I could describe as in, you're creaking ur head to solve a problem for 24 hrs. Maybe I should put it that way.
I don't know, I'm not sure. Maybe I just shouldn't started at the first place. Or I should endure some kind of stressness instead of choosing what I am currently baring now. Seriously, this is tired, mentally.
Its been a week plus I'm still smiling to everyone because I always think that everyone has their own shit to deal with so I shouldn't tell them my own problems and I should've solve it and think it all by myself. The most important thing is I should forget bout it when I was in the class or study group, when I hang out with friends & when I'm out. I often tell myself that these problem shouldn't affect me throughout my day.
As far as I'm concern all these will come into my dream and eventually it will become the nightmare of the day because I'm trying so hard not to think about it during the day when I have to actually talk to people, communicate with other people, hangout and have fun with friends, catch up and things like that. So I'm trying very hard to control my emotions. Things move on, time pass by but the problem remains.
Have you ever heard that you've to solve it, overcome it or else it will stays there forever?
For me I wanted time to prove that it will eventually heal by wounds. I somehow feel that it got infected and it get worse as the time goes.
Very saddening , very disappointing and very unhappy. I prayed to God and asked for guidance,I prayed that His word will reveal to me as soon as possible so that I could change or I could realized.

I hated that feeling so so much. I never once angry a person more than a week and I don't understand why a family member of mine can be bothered to ignore me for a week, having know that he will  have to see me everyday. Tell me why.
My mum always remind me, control your emotion. Anger will kills you & now I understand why.
Seriously, everyone makes mistake. Don't you agree? I believe things happen for a reason. I know why you're mad at me and at the same time, please understand me as well. I've done my very best to 'rescue' everything.
For me, I always wanted to settle all the problem before I go to bed.
I remember once that I fought with my best friend ( there's a misunderstanding going on btwn us ), every single day I think bout it and at last I decided to call her up and talk to her.
Things went well and we're back to normal. She's still my BFF. Happy ending. Is this what we hope in the end?
However, things doesn't went well. I'm cracking my head why such a small issue end up like this.
Trust me, I've been talking to so many people around me. Adults, teenagers, Seniors..
Well I wouldn't say I'm right but hey, this is not a big deal. This is not the end of the world.
I know what I'm doing, I know what is the consequences, I know what I've to bare, I know I understand.
But it just can't get too long, to the extend that after you've scolded me like a cow in the morning, for 2 weeks and till now you still need to hurt me.
I deserve a punishment but believe me, NOT THIS.
Enough of it. The only pill that always makes me feel better is my friend, true friend. They listened to me, every single word. Even w/o advice, I'm very thankful for that.
Next is God. Ever since I accept Christ, although He gave me lots of challenges, but I know He hear me, he understand me and he knows me well. I'm not alone because I have Jesus with me.
Met a new bunch of brother and sister in church last Sun. That 4 hrs for me is my quiet time with God and amazingly I do not have any worrisome with me till I got home.

Dear Lord,
I prayed that you would guide me, tell me what to do next. 
I am so lost.
Amen..